


So in Love

by DarlingAry



Series: Songs for a Dead Acorn [2]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Additional Trigger Warnings Apply, M/M, This Is Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2019-01-15 17:56:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12325962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarlingAry/pseuds/DarlingAry
Summary: "Besides, if I die, I'll be a star. You can look at it. I'll be that one,” he pointed at the stars. “It's in the Orion constellation. Did you know that Orion has two of the ten brightest stars in the sky?”“You don't say?”[So taunt me and hurt me,Deceive me, desert me,I'm yours 'til I die,So in love,So in love,So in love with you, my love, am I.]





	So in Love

**Author's Note:**

> Kind of a sequel to Quiet, but you can definitely read them separately. s a note, this is unedited, so if there are errors, oops?

_Strange, dear, but true, dear,_   
_When I'm close to you, dear,_   
_The stars fill the sky,_   
_So in love with you am I._

  
“When I was little my mom would point at that star, see the biggest one over there, and she would say if anything ever happened to her, that she would be that star,” Evan explained, smiling softly at the distant memories of childhood.

Connor, for his part, was only half listening. As Evan stared skyward, his shinning eyes analyzing the stars, Connor watched Evan, studying him. It was a daily occurrence. Connor would gaze over at his partner, his sweet and delightful boy, and just wonder how he could possibly love another human as much.

He had always been labeled as the ‘bad’ kid, the violent future prisoner, and yet here was the embodiment of innocence smiling and holding his hand. Evan was pure in all the ways a person could be pure. His core was based completely in good intentions, even if sometimes he made mistakes. His mistakes were always rooted in the desire to do good.

“I like stars,” Evan decided.

“I like stars too,” Connor agreed, though he meant something entirely different.

_Even without you_   
_My arms fold about you._   
_You know, darling why,_   
_So in love with you am I._

  
The days after the funeral had been cold, numbingly so. His body ached from the cold. For the first time since he met Evan, he felt completely alone, even more so than he had when he heard the news. This made it real, official.

Everyone kept saying he fell. Evan fell out of the tree...right? No. Connor knew the truth, he knew how lost Evan had been. He had a message on his phone from that morning saying nothing but I love you and thank you. Connor kicked himself because he hadn't picked up the phone. Maybe if he had been next to it and answered, Evan would have heard his voice and the ghosts in him would be scare.He didn't awnser. He didn't think Evan was that close to the edge. He never thought Evan would let go, but he did.

The night of the funeral, Connor smoked for the first time since he and Evan got together. He climbed out of the window, scaling the side of the house quickly and silently, as to not alert his parents or Zoe that he was leaving. Then he ran.

The cold nipped at his ears, his nose, and anywhere else that skin was exposed. When he breathed he could feel the cold in his lungs, filling them and burning them. The cold was barely a side thought, though. The moon and the stars called to him, begged him to run faster. Evan was cold, ice cold, and all he had ever wanted was to feel warm and loved. The moon whispered “he needs you, Connor.” The stars, the stars were much crueler; they whispered,”it's too late, Connor.”

_In love with the night mysterious_   
_The night when you first were there._   
_In love with my joy delirious_   
_When I knew that you might care._

  
“Why do you like them? The stars?” Evan looked over at him, blue eyes meeting blue eyes and a warm blush covering his cheeks.

“I like them because you like them,” Connor winked, smiling softly.

“That's not a good reason,” Evan couldn't fight his giggle. “Do you have any other reasons?”

“The stars remind me of you. They remind me of how your eyes sparkle. They remind me of the first time we went to the orchard and you took forever pointing out ever constellation you could.”

“Constellations are cool! They are stories that have lasted a long time. Besides, it's our jobs to keep history and old stories and stuff alive. If no one told stories a-about the constellations, then we'd be deprived of the knowledge that the stars make shapes and can tell us stuff.”

“That's some deep shit, Hansen,” Connor smiled fondly as Evan rambled.

“Besides, if I die, I'll be a star. You can look at it. I'll be that one,” he pointed at the stars. “It's in the Orion constellation. Did you know that Orion has two of the ten brightest stars in the sky?”

“You don't say?”

“It does! There's one myth that Orion was this really handsome and the son of Poseidon and he fell in love with the Pleiades, the seven daughters of Atlas and Pleione. When he started pursuing them, Zeus, being the meanie that he was-”

“Did you just refer to Zeus as a meanie?”

He giggled,”shut up. When he started pursuing them, Zeus scooped them up and put them in the stars. If I'm not wrong, they are a cluster of stars in the Taurus constellation.”

“What a dick. They are literally star crossed lovers.”

“Isn't it sad? They were separated by something they couldn't even control.” Evan frowned slightly. “Anyways, yeah. I'd be a star in the Orion constellation.”

_So taunt me and hurt me,_   
_Deceive me, desert me,_   
_I'm yours 'til I die,_   
_So in love,_   
_So in love,_   
_So in love with you, my love, am I._

  
As the cold burned his skin, stinging worse than a burn from heat,his feet pounded against the concrete. He was starting to get dizzy from the long distance he was running. “Evan’s all alone,” the moon cried. “You left Evan alone,” the stars scolded.

He ran until he reached the gates of the cemetery, cursing when he found they were locked. No, he was getting in. He was going to go into the cemetery and Evan wouldn't be left alone. So he started to climb, his legs shook, begging him for mercy, reprieve from use, but no, he kept going until he toppled over the other side.

Once he was firmly planted on the ground, he could no long run. It was like the pavement below him was holding his feet, adding weight to them. He pressed in, dragging his body across the graveyard until he saw it. A beautiful marble stone with writing on it in elegant script which read:

**Rest In Peace Among the Stars**   
**Evan Hansen**   
**Beloved Son and Friend**   
**May 5th 1999 - May 26, 2016**

He fell face first into the fresh dirt, just days old. He hand reached up and he dragged it along the smooth surface, his fingers stinging as they pressed roughly against the words which had been engraved. He sat up at stared at it for a while before bringing his fist up, punching the top of it roughly.

He felt the pain shoot up his arm. Surely his hand was broken, but what did it matter? He was so cold that his hand was numb and it stung. Though, it was summer. He should be cold, but he was.

Rolling into his back, he looked up at the stars, the brightest one in the Orion constellation flickered, as if smiling down at him.

“What the fuck, Hansen? We should be watched the stars together. You went and fucked it all up,” he yelled at the sky, as if the sky and stars would listen to him. The moon seemed to frown, disapproving the way Connor was acting. The stars still smiled, they seem almost brighter and it hurt his eyes, so he closed them.

He thought about stars and it clicked. Evan would love to be a star. Stars were warm and lived high above everyone, all knowing and safe. They weren't alone and if part of a constellation, they were part of a larger story that would be passed from generation to generation.

Sleep claimed Connor and the surrounding graves didn't bother him at all. Deceivingly, it felt as if Evan was curled against his chest, soft breathes lulling him to sleep as it tickled his neck. Instead of a dead boy, he held one with a broken arm. The image taunted him, deceived him, and hurt him, but that would come in the morning. For now, he was asleep under the stars, holding the remaining bits of his sanity.

He would stay that way until morning, when Heidi would come to visit Evan. When she found Connor, she fell to her knees into the first and placed a hand on his shoulder, pulling him into her warm arms. They both cried, staying for what felt like forever.

_So taunt me and hurt me,_   
_Deceive me, desert me,_   
_I'm yours 'til I die,_   
_So in love,_   
_So in love,_   
_So in love with you, my love, am I._

  
“None of that matters,” Connor shrugged. “You're not dying on me, Hansen. You can die when I'm dead.”

“I'm yours til I die,” Evan laughed sadly.

“I know you are. Besides, you could desert me like that,” he nudged Evan.

“I'm too in love with you….I mean, who would want to be part of the sky for forever?”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope that was enjoyable! Let me know what you thought.


End file.
